When clothes don’t fit anymore, we throw them out or donate them, right? So why not do that with people?

Harsh, right? But truth. Take those old faded jeans that have seen better days for example… You LOVE them, they just don’t fit the look you’re going for lately, or you’ve simply grown out of them. Sometimes, people who have been a big part of your past, no longer fit the vision you have for yourself–they don’t fit in to the picture of who you want to be. I’m here to tell you, THAT’S OK.

It doesn’t mean you no longer love this person, it may simply means you spend less time with them, on them, worrying about them. This also means more time for you and the people who do fit your life vision.

So many life coaches say: “you are the sum of the five people you are closest to.” There was a point where I heard this and honestly thought to myself: dear God, I hope this isn’t true.

Again, not because the people I surrounded myself were bad people, but the people I surrounded myself with were bad for me. Some of the people around me only spoke to me when they needed me or something from me–and that is okay! I LOVE being the person others go to in times of need, but I was trying to hang onto these relationships like it was life or death, while unless I was needed, these same people were walking away.

I was also so tired of fighting for the affection of people who no longer saw me. Not “saw” as in the physical sense, but “saw” me in the raw, authentic, true sense. There is nothing harder than having people in your life who refuse to let go of the decisions you made in the past. People only change when they want to, and I wanted to. Friends who have known me for years had a habit of bringing up old topics or influencing me to participate in old, unhealthy habits. And it wasn’t their fault, because I never directly told them.

You can’t expect people to read the signs of your life; they have their own circumstances they are working through. Someone may not understand that you’re serious about the life changes you’re striving to make in your life if you never tell them, face-to-face, with words.

Choosing who to let go of is the hardest. I had to take a step back from my heart and the memories attached to some of my best friends and realize who didn’t fit in my life anymore. More than that, I also had to look at whose life I didn’t fit into.

When I moved to South Carolina, there was a real wake up call as to who my real people were. They were they people who didn’t react negatively when I told them about my move. They were sad, but also encouraging. They didn’t put me down. They celebrated this new chapter of life with me, rather than being jealous of me, or mad because “I was leaving them.”

Radical friendship is stronger than the number of miles that separate you.

Letting go of someone doesn’t mean a forever goodbye; it means see you later, I wish you well. Letting go of them can be freeing not only for you, but might also be for them, giving them your blessing to find their new bffn (best friend for now).